I Used To Make Myself Sick

Being healthy is a sacrifice. I feel it. You feel it. We all feel it.

What’s harder is when the media wants to make you feel like you’re never good enough. That until you reach Barbie-looking stage you’re not okay.

And I know that. Wholeheartedly. Because I used to be one of the infinite number of victims who believed their lies. I was like a toy which was being programmed-programmed to be insecure.

To the point where I made myself sick.

And no I wasn’t overweight, or even what you would consider chubby. I was skinnier than the average person, I could lose 3kg in a week without trying, I am taller than most people, and was called twig-legs for my thin composition. Stereotypically speaking, I should have never gone through such a phase. But I did it for attention so I could acquire sympathy from two of my closest friends. Sometimes  (actually oftentimes) nothing would come out, but the sympathy I gained made me feel good. Made me feel loved.

I was insecure and was searching for confidence in all the wrong places.

Thank God it didn’t last long, and whether you believe in Him or not, He changed me. I didn’t have a psychologist, nutritionist, a counselor or any form of professionals to guide me. My faith was what I had. What I still have.

I’m not asking for your sympathy, or for you to even understand. I can now watch a TV advert without comparing myself to the bikini model, but there are girls who can’t. I can look at a billboard without longing to be one of them in desperation, but there are guys who are looking up to that same billboard who do.

And dear reader, whoever you are, and whatever you may be going through, get this: You are beautiful. Don’t say its cliché, society wants you to think so, because they know the day people embrace clichés, is the day their manipulation is over.

And for those of you, who have a story to tell,  tell it. I want to know each and everyone of your story; I may not be present online for a week because I’ll be travelling.Never mind. Pass on the message. Your message.

Change a life.

Stay Awesome



12 thoughts on “I Used To Make Myself Sick

    • Nyse says:

      Thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot. I’m thankful you found it inspirational, if I can help one person with this blog I’ll be thankful. You’re words of encouragement are wonderful☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  1. fitnessgrad says:

    Thank you for sharing this with your readers and being open and honest about your vulnerabilities, this was very awesome of you and I know it can be quite difficult. I used to be very hard on my body expectations, I would say I still am, but I am not going to any extremes, I would say I am hard on myself because of being in the field of fitness and being an athlete and not to mention the competitive edge I have- i always want to win or be better or look better. I can’t speak for all athletes or fitness professionals, but I know the pressure out there makes some of us go to extra levels to achieve things in order to “look good” or perform better. It is too bad that we have a fucked up society at times still wanting to make a big deal of someone else’s business (their bodies), which is where people like myself come in and try to help those that need the extra boost of confidence.
    As long as you know you are beautiful, nothing can stop you from being whatever you choose to be and looking however you choose to represent yourself.


    Liked by 3 people

    • Nyse says:

      Thank you Shay-Lon for the kind message. The importance of professionals such as yourself is underrated, because yes society wants to make us be alloxodaephobic. And yes, today I still have expectations in regards to the appearance of my body, (as letting yourself go is as bad) but in a realistic and healthy way rather than a distorted image of perfection. It’s about time more people got educated about their body type, their BMI etc, so they can work towards health goals in the best way.Thank you once more for the comment, I appreciate it 😊.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tiana says:

    This is beautiful! I feel happier for being able to read this today. It is so difficult at times to see the unique beauty you have in yourself and this is a reminder that it is there, no matter what others may have you think. Stay inspired! This is the type of post this world needs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nyse says:

      Thank you Tiana so much, yes sometimes it seems like the whole word is trying to point out our every faults, and we must look inside ourselves to not get lost. Your comment is beautiful, I hope you stay inspired; because the world needs more of posts like yours 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. sarahscupofbeauty says:

    I’ve actually never minded my looks, until I got 12. I never really even looked at what was on TV, I didn’t mind. But the harshful comments came from my own suroundings. I’m quite big boned for a Vietnamese girl and I do have some meat on my body. I’ve always known the Vietnamese community to have comments on my weight. It still happens to me a lot… I think the most important thing is to live healthily. And that, I admit, is something I wish to work on. Not because of some snappy comment, but just because I want to… xoxo Sarah

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nyse says:

      Yes, the most important thing is to be healthy overall! And yes, I have to improve too, so let’s work on this together (virtually 😂). Yes, it can become discouraging when the ones closest to us are the ones who critiscie but we must hold our head high, and be healthy due to self love rather than to achieve someone else’s standards. I’m glad you’re wanting to be healthy for yourself! 😃

      Liked by 1 person

    • Nyse says:

      Thank you for the lovely comment, GlitzandGlamz. I appreciate it, and as long as I help someone I’ll be more than satisfied. And thank you for the nomination, I’ll aim to post it as soon as I can 😀.

      P.S: Sorry for the late reply, I was travelling so wasn’t present for a while 😊


  4. Liz C. says:

    This is a very important message. Thanks for sharing, Nyse. You are strong to have done something about what was unhealthy in your life.

    “My faith was what I had. What I still have.” Keep holding on to the faith! Sometimes, it’s all that’s left to pull us through.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nyse says:

      Thank you Liz. Amen! Yes that’s completely true, when no one has faith in us we must maintain the faith in ourselves to not lose it all. Keep holding onto the faith too! We’re in this journey together

      Liked by 1 person

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